Hey ,If you want a better and stronger relationship you have to begin with your relationship to yourself. Period. Burned by an ex? Blaming this person guarantees you’re going to repeat similar patterns in your next relationship. Frustrated with your partner? Constantly pointing your finger at him/her guarantees more frustration. Angry with your parent? Resentment breeds unhappiness. This could go on and on, and you can apply it to any relational issue you’re up against.
Being RESPONSE - ABLE is the key to healthy, thriving, and fulfilling relationships. It just is. But to be response -able, you need to be:
aware of your circumstance/feelings/emotions.
have insight into your part and your patterns
be willing to take action, because action is where the radical self care lies.
These 3 things are the guts of emotional resilience and fitness.
On my LIVE AND RECORDED video call tomorrow, (Wednesday) at 7pm EST, I will share the first and most important pillar of transforming your relationship to yourself - which will transform your relationship with the most important person(s) in your life. Tomorrow you will learn:
- What mental and physical patterns you unconsciously do that make you miserable (aka stressed and anxious) as well as happy.- The habit you can begin immediately to anchor you in an empowering and motivated state.- How to feel what you want to feel, more of the time.-- How to unstuck yourself.- How and why your body holds the greatest key to your successAnd more.
What I discuss with you tomorrow is the very core of everything I’ve ever learned about human psychology, and to say it has utterly changed my life is an understatement. At the very least, sign up for your free trial just to get this recording (or come live) and then cancel after. ;)The longest relationship you'll ever have is with yourself.
FOCUS = EMOTION.
What you focus on is what you will feel. Period. What you feel ON A CONSISTENT basis is what determines the quality of your life. Focus = emotion = life. This isn't a post about manifesting, visualizing, or attracting. Nor is it a claim to stop feeling your emotions. There is literally nothing more damaging to our psychology and our relationships than denying how you feel and stuffing emotions. But where we live emotionally - our emotional home, needs to be investigated and re investigated if we’re going to take our lives by the horns and live it the way we dream of living it. It’s a must if we want to have the relationships we want, the career we want, the success we want.
Whatever emotion you experience at any given moment or day of your life is experienced because you are focusing, aka thinking about, aka imagining something in particular. I know it doesn't seem that way. I know there are many times when you think you feel good or not so good for no reason in particular. And while there are factors - factors such as hormones and sleep quality that play a role in how you might feel on any given day, there is always something cooking up in your brain that is leading you to an emotional state.
We use our focus all day long. Sometimes we’re focusing on what is right in our lives - and when we are, you can bet we feel good. Sometimes we're focusing on what could go wrong, which is certainly going to lead to a different emotional state. If I wanted to get sad right now, I know EXACTLY what I would need to focus on to get sad. But I won’t - not because I’m in denial, but because I just legitimately don't feel the need to go there. Sometimes I’ll feel sad not because I have any real need to process emotion, but instead because the weather is gloomy and I’ll be focusing on how much I don't like the weather instead of focusing on something that is great in my life regardless of the weather. Sometimes I’m fearful because I’m focusing on something I can’t control, or on not being enough. Sometimes I’ll be psyched because I’m focusing on an upcoming trip. There are a few ways to get in a better mood, but one way for sure is to focus on some good shit. You could decide to immerse yourself in gratitude, and that for sure will better your mood. My point is two-fold: 1. Wherever focus goes, energy rushes in like a tidal wave. And 2. We’re focusing all the time, why not learn to choose our focus?? When we practice steering our focus, we become the conductors of our lives and emancipate ourselves from the hallucination that life is just happening TO us.
The ability to choose what we focus on is the single most powerful gift that's been bestowed on to us that nothing else on the planet has been given. So then why does it feel so hard sometimes to take advantage of this gift?
For a few reasons.
For one, this class didn’t exist: life will be very hard sometimes. About 80 percent of why it’s hard is because of your mind and how it views life. About 20 percent is circumstantial. So here’s how you train your mind to be resourceful as fuck so that you don't consistently get taken down by your journey.
Another reason is we may have been trained from a young age to see the negative; to believe that the world is a battle, a struggle, unforgiving, and/or sad. If that is you, please read this carefully: You can overcome that conditioning. Yes. You can. You just have to want to. We all need help here.
Then there’s this: Our brain is several million years old, and has remained the same for the last 2 million years. The life of a Homo Sapien 2 million years ago was as you know, vastly different. Clear and present danger was a daily reality, and so the brain - OUR brains, are wired to keep us safe. Out of real danger. Our minds are problem solving, safety driven machines.
Our brains are not designed to make us happy. That’s why we have a heart. Our heart is the largest endocrine gland in our body and has its own brain. The “heart-brain” - otherwise scientifically referred to as the intrinsic cardiac nervous system, is a very intricate network of neurotransmitters, proteins, and cells that sends MORE INFORMATION TO THE BRAIN THAN THE BRAIN SENDS TO THE HEART. Our hearts, then, are the ticket to life. But we make it all about the brain, and that's where we go wrong.
Let’s not hate on our minds which are in many ways wonderful. But our greatest task in life is to learn how to train it, to become its alpha, not the other way around. In order to do this, we must train like a friggin athlete, and the greater your proclivity is towards negativity, the harder you have to train - like an olympian. It would be a grave mistake to let that deter you. Many of the most iconic athletes in the world did not step on to the field with the most amount of natural skill. They stepped on to it with something much more powerful: the willingness to do whatever it takes. And it worked.
When you feel good, notice what you’re focusing on. When you feel bad, do the same. Practice redirecting your focus when you need to. Over and over again, day in and day out.
Here’s a hint: steer your focus on that which you can control.This is all about you and you. Me and me. The longest relationship we will ever have, ever, in our lives.To our hearts and our minds.All my love, Jillian
