I remember when I was walking around in the East village of Manhattan some time ago, I smelled donuts.
Not a faint smell of donuts, but an intoxicating smell of freshly baked donuts that permeated an entire city block. Even though I don't typically crave them, this smell was insane. A mouth watering AND strangely uplifting waft of deliciousness that brought me back to 4th grade birthday parties and sleep-away camp.
DONUTS. I looked for the source which wasn't obvious. No donut store fronts, no bakeries… it was bizarre. As I continued down the desolate block, I saw this man standing in front of a door attached to a rather abandoned looking building.
He stood there leaning against it, smoking a cigarette, and looked tired. Bored. No. Apathetic. Anyway, not the friendliest looking man, but not scary either.
I was all pumped up with dopamine from this stupid smell that I decided to flash him a big smile, hoping to cheer him up. “Hey there! doesn't it smell delicious?? DONUTS!!!”
“I don’t smell it”
“OMG REALLY!!?? I keep looking for where it’s coming from - I want one!”
“it’s right here” the beat up old man points behind him. “It’s the factory.. I work there.”
“No way! How do you NOT smell it??”
“I’ve been around them all day for years, I don't even smell them anymore. They give me a headache”.
“Gotcha.” I could feel the dopamine draining out of my blood.
Anyway, the sad, apathetic, headachy man was nice enough to tell me where to get one and so I did. Yes, it was delicious.
The law of familiarity says that if we’re around anything or anyone enough, we will take it for granted. Ain’t nothing truer.
Gratitude is the practice of not allowing the law of familiarity to take over your life and your relationships.
You can’t force gratitude, and when being grateful becomes a “should” to us, then it’s lost its meaning entirely.
That's the big ole’ gratitude trap: We know we should be grateful, but sometimes we just don't feel it and then we feel like something is wrong with us for not feeling it.
Gratitude is one of the most important pillars of emotional health, and yet just like anything else that hasn't been branded well, it gets lost, never reaching its maximum potential.
But if we can practice identifying on a daily basis all that which we have taken for granted, all the people in our lives who have been beaten down by the almighty law of F, then true gratitude will grow inside of us.
Trite as this might read, I took a moment yesterday to identify that which I have taken for granted the most: My body. I have all my organs and limbs and fingers and toes. That is a really big deal. And when I consciously steered my focus to that, I created a feeling of gratitude inside of me.
But I had to decide to focus on that. It didn't come to me. I went towards it.
You may have someone in your life that you wake up with every morning. You take this person for granted sometimes. Doesn't make you bad, it makes you human.
Break the law. Use your mind to focus on what you appreciate about this person, and share it, authentically. Then something really cool will happen: you will make this person feel like a million bucks and YOU will also feel like a million bucks. Then a chemical reaction will occur between the two of you that will surge all the natural dopamine you deserve. Love.
You don't need another person to do this, btw. There are countless ways to break the law.
Don’t wait for gratefulness to hit you. And don’t fake it either. It’s something we have to practice, somewhat strategically, in order to build its muscle.
Gratitude is a simply a new perspective. And perspective is the real key to life.
I am thankful for you.
Here’s to breaking the law of F.
All my love,
Jillian
