Self Worth is everything.

Dear ,A few days ago, I had an epically huge realization: 

Guilt is the most addictive feeling on the planet. It’s epidemic and it’s persistence and pervasiveness is greatly due to the fact that its mostly unconscious. We don’t all do guilt the same way or with the same magnitude, but we all do it.  And it is definitely reducing the quality of our lives by chipping away at our self worth.

From the guilt we feel from taking a day off, to the guilt we may feel when we’re happy when someone we love is not, to yelling at our kid or animal in frustration. To the I should be doing this instead of that, or I really shouldn’t be doing this, to the sugary cookie we ate, to the late night snack, to the money we spent on something we didn’t “need”, to the saying ‘no’ to driving a friend to the airport, to the not answering our parent’s call, to the job we chose, to the lie we told to get out of a plan, to the hate we sometimes feel for our family, to the annoyance we feel with our lover or spouse. To the not spending your day as you “should have”, to the being late in paying your bills, to the forgetting to get a gift for someone, to the no longer wanting to be in a relationship with someone, to the french fry, that dress, the car, that vacation, those shoes, that alone time, that break from our kids and family, to the “I can’t believe I said that” and the “I should have known better”, to the always being late, to the absent mindedness, to the thoughts we have of our strangling someone, to the angry outburst, to our judging another, to the flippant remark, to the Netflix show you’d rather watch than do work, and so on and so on and so on.

This itty bitty teeny weeny feeling is actually an insidiously evil monster that seeks to destroy our peace and self worth.

In fact, it’s so deeply ingrained that it’s not even a feeling anymore, it’s a level of consciousness. 

The only question is, is it your current emotional center of consciousness? Or has it been?

And if you feel guilt even considering this question, then the answer is right there for you. 

Oh boy, it definitely has been for me. It’s not WHO I am. And it certainly is not my state all the time. But holy f*cking moly, it has become such a pattern. Good news is, now that I am aware of it, I am policing myself. Yup. Policing. A little guilt here and there is a healthy response when we ought to feel regret about something. But the habit of “should” and “shouldn’t” is an addictive pattern that just gives all of us an excuse to beat ourselves up. And it destroys our mental health. It’s a worthless devil of a feeling who’s intent is to make YOU feel worthless.

Open your eyes to guilt. Pay attention to how often you are in it. Then breathe, feel the fear and pain that lurks beneath it, and then let it go. Over and over again. It works. It’s worth it.

To killing the monster while its young.

All my love,

Jillian