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Hi ,Today I wanted to write you a small note rather than a long newsletter. Full disclosure, I’ve been working on a major project that made it difficult to write each week, but I’m back at it. Next week, one of my longer, in depth newsletters is coming your way.But first I have a question for you: I’ve been considering adding a second newsletter to the repertoire. One entirely focused on serving any of you who are single, with topics ranging from how to prepare for your next relationship, dating, how to choose better, how to "attract" the right person, and how to leverage your past relationship so that you NEVER repeat the same patterns again. Would you be into this? Or maybe someone you know?
It’s kinda hard to figure this out in a bubble, so would love your feedback on this!
*either way, know that I absolutely love requests, so if there is a topic or issue you would like for me to write about, please email me here!*
Ok, on to my little note.
I want you to forgive yourself for any mistake or failure that may be haunting you.Maybe there’s nothing you’re holding on to which if that's the case, fantastic. Then perhaps send this note over to someone you know who could use it. Not everyone has the pattern of being really hard on themselves. But a lot of us do, and pretty much everyone has had at least someTHING they’ve harped on themselves for, for too long.
When you judge yourself harshly, guaranteed you judge others harshly - that’s just the way it goes, and it feels really bad. I’m not sure when the cultural leaning towards perfectionism began, but its gone viral, and it’s destroying lives. Yes, it began in childhood, when we learned that by being the best, we got a lot of love and acknowledgment from a parent. But they didn't mean to make you hate yourself when you made a mistake. They didn't mean it. And, in the rare case of them intending that for you, well, they just learned it from their family.
The wealthiest people in the world (wealth I’m measuring here in contentment, healthy relationships, AND in work and financial achievement) are the ones who changed the way they look at their mistakes. Failure = lesson = growth = success. That's their model.
We all make so many mistakes all the time - we live in a complex world where we're given confusing messages about how we should be. Just do the best that you can. Let that be your new measure.Please forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the past. If you owe someone an apology, give them it. Even if it’s in a letter you never send, and even if the person is no longer living.
Let it go.
Make a mistake and immediately ask yourself what the lesson is, and what you can do differently next time. This anchors a new pattern around failure.
If you have kids, forgive yourself often because when you do, you teach them to forgive themselves too. Children rarely listen to you; they instead model you.
Just truly do the best that you can. It may work, it may not. But let that be your new measure of success.
If you’re feeling judge-y, it’s a clue you’re being too harsh with yourself. Treat that.
I may not know you personally, but I do know you are enough no matter what pressure you put on yourself, or even on to others.
Please make peace with your mistakes, and transform them into a lesson.
The days may be long, but the years are short. Don't waste them beating yourself up.To self-forgiveness.
All my love,
Jillian
