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*please note I do not refer to serious victimization or grave mental health issues in my blogs. Please contact me for referrals.“I’m not a victim.”“My mom is such a victim!”“He’s acting like a victim.”“Ugh, all she does is complain. What a victim!!”

And its true. Some people are so addicted to the UNcertainty of drama that “victim” has become their center of gravity. Their emotional home. And ya, it can get really annoying to listen to someone constantly complain about their life with zero intention of changing it. We just don’t want to be around them.

Although it’s often easy to spot a ‘victim mentality’ in another, it’s virtually impossible to spot it within ourselves because, let’s face it: no one like’s a victim. If we were to identify as one, well then… our whole perception of ourselves would go down the toilet.

But the truth is, there’s a victim that lives inside of all of us, and we have to fight it off more often than you might think.

There's actually a lot that lives inside of you: a survivor, a goof, an achiever, a scaredy cat, a vixen, a nurturer.. (feel free to fill in the rest).

And there's a victim. The victim is the part of us who believes in scarcity. Who believes that pain is permanent. Who believes that its lover or spouse is wrong, unkind, not fair, messed up. The victim comes out whenever there is the belief that life is happening to us. That someone else is responsible for our thoughts and emotions. The victim believes that it can’t do any better because they don’t deserve it, or aren’t good enough. The victim is shocked and stressed every time life doesn't go as planned. The victim likes to fixate on its problems without taking charge and making a change - especially if it is an internal change. The victim believes that circumstance is the enemy, not perception.

The victim convinces us that we are not powerful.

No one likes to admit to themselves when they’re thinking like a victim. But its time to remove the taboo of victim mentality. Its time to stop saying to ourselves that people are either a victim or they are not. There’s a spectrum. And we all have dabbled somewhere in it. 

We must be truthful with ourselves. We must admit it. Because the quality of life for a victim is terrible. It destroys relationships. 

It wrecks the relationship you have with your life.

So how do we catch this victim before it swallows us?

For one: become aware and stay aware. Look at the areas of your life that aren't up to par with what you want and need. Then, with the curiosity of a detective, investigate the stories you’ve confabulated about your significant other, your love life, your money, your ex, yourself, your mom, your dad, your job, your everything. 

Then ask yourself: What is my mentality, or mindset around this? Is it about scarcity? Fear? Am I persistently surprised when life doesn't go as planned? Do I say things to myself such as “why does this always happen to me?” or “I wish it wasn't this way,” or “I can’t believe that………”

Then take further inventory: Observe your consistent emotional state. Where do you live emotionally? (meaning, MOST of the time). Are you always stressed? Pissed off? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Sad? 

If so, Why? (your answer is not in the facts, but how you feel about the facts.)

Then: Take control of that which you can control: The meaning you give to the facts. For example, does the fact that you may be going through something challenging right now mean that god, the universe, karma, and everything in between hates you? Does it mean that you can “never get a break?” Does it mean that it is her fault? Or his? Does it mean you are not worthy or no one understands you? Is it because of your past?

OR.

Could it mean that this part of life is now challenging, and that is part of life. Could it mean that there is a solution - be it a different perspective, or altering the way YOU behave, or the passage of time, or acceptance? Or, could it mean that maybe you need help to get out of this emotional state so you can change the way you look at things? Could it mean that a new direction awaits you?Could it mean that you need to take action?Or step back?Or chill?Or say no?Or say yes?Meditate? (always a viable solution:)Life can be brutal. Unfair and very confusing. There will be people who treat us like utter crap. You’ll feel betrayed. Abandoned. Our hearts will break, and we’ll vacillate between blaming someone for breaking it until we believe its all our fault and then we’ll blame ourselves for breaking it. We will at times feel lost, in a ditch, a rut, a bottom. Sometimes we may think the world is against us. We’ll feel unappreciated, misunderstood, left out, and alone.

This is life - life is suffering. 

But there is an antidote. The antidote is GRACE. 

Grace is the flicker of light that reflects off the lake of our despair. Grace is the moment you realize that your perspective is skewed and a new one could literally flip everything around. Grace is acknowledging the support that surrounds you, and using that support. Asking for more of it if you need it. Grace is the realization that as much as so many events are not in our control, there is a whole lot more than we realize that is in your control. Grace is the second you decide to stop blaming your partner for your emotions. Grace is accountability in every aspect of your life. Grace is surrender. To “reality”, to god, to the universe, to letting go. 

Grace is when you decide to leave. Or to stay with a new attitude.

Grace is energy. It’s the energy behind drawing the line in the sand and saying, “no f*cking more.”

Grace is the meaning: Life is ultimately happening for us. 

So, I believe it best to be real and admit that we all will feel like victims at some point, and that really is OK. We weren’t given a handbook for living. Our parents did what they could with what they had. 

Let’s stay on top of it though, cause no one wants to be a victim.

To you, and to everything that has led you to who you are today. 

All my love, Jillian